Our house is in full celebration!
Celebrating the birth of Jesus, celebrating my brother coming home from a month long mission trip to India, celebrating finishing my classes with good grades, celebrating everyone having some time off and spending time together. We are rejoicing! Yet I am sad.
There has been so much sorrow that has accompanied this years Christmas; Broken families, sickness, death, sorrow. What all these things have in common is that they leave you feeling alone in the situation and loneliness can be one of the most hideous thing.
I was driving to a christmas gathering after church tonight and the whole ride I was fighting myself to not allow myself to start crying because the weight of these sorrows are just so heavy on my soul today. It made me sad to know that some people were spending their day in tears, in numbness, in despair.
This brought me to think of the new and upcoming year. I began to think and decide of what changes I want to make in my life as I beging to take on the upcoming season and as I began to add a few changes to my mental list I realized that my list was getting quite lengthy. I have this much to change!?!? I had to make a mental break and stop my list to take a moment and process what I had just came to the realization of? That I'm not ready! I'm not ready for this year to end because I had certain "levels" to reach physically, mentally, and spiritually and I haven't reached them! I really am not one to beat myself over things I have not yet finished because why bother over things that can't be changed. One of my favorite quotes is that "the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now". You pick up from where you left of and you keep going! But why was I so paralyzed by my realization that I am "behind on the game"? Loneliness.
Loneliness in the sense of feeling that everyone is on their game and somehow I fell behind.
And even thought that's not the case because most of the time if not all the time majority of us are in the same boat, we still let that wretched nasty feeling creep right in and if we don't act upon it fast enough it gets quite comfortable and begins to make itself at home.
I wish I can spread joy, peace, and love around like confetti! Some for everyone! Not one more person to feel alone in this crazy world. Thank you Jesus for sending your only Son to bring us that peace, love, and joy that changes our world radically! But may we act upon that and come to God not holding back, ready to receive His free and perfect gift!
I am looking forward to this winter camp I'm going to. Cram a bunch of teens in tight rooms with enough space to blink and see how lonely a person could feel haha there won't be any room for any of that. So I hope for this camp to bring much unity for everyone and for us all to see that we are never alone and that we were given each other as friends to rejoice during the good time but also cry together during the bad times. I love people! (:
Off to pack. Yes just pack not over-pack haha let's see if I can for once in
my life not over pack!
Merry Christmas Everyone! (:
Always follow the star!
